LITTLE MISS SKOKIE

I'm back on the road again. It's been about 3-4 months since I left the Bay Area for work. Caught an 8am direct flight from SJC to ORD (Chicago) with a coworker and now here we are in Skokie, IL. The place ain't too bad...

One surprising thing is our hotel. You've got your typical DoubleTree Hotel and Convention Center, but this weekend... *drum roll*... is the "Miss Teen International" competition! So, there are 100s of hot teenaged girls running down the hallways. I wanted to read up on this "moral" competition and so I came across this webpage: Miss Teen International 2007.

The thing that made me laugh in this article was the statement:

"The national competition includes a private interview with a panel of esteemed judges. This portion consists of 40% of the score and is the most critical component of the judging process."

OK, so a huge portion of 40% is based on non-beauty qualities. So it's critical? What is the other 60% (majority) based on? Oh...well...hmmm. It's based on 3 competitions in Fashion Wear, Fitness Wear, and Evening Gowns! Wow. So isn't the "most critical component of the judging process" looking and being pretty? You can't fool me Miss Teen International! Never!!!

THE REGINA MONOLOGUES

How can an American live the bling life in Canada? Make sure you book your travel arrangements last minute so that there is nothing left but the "Prime Minister's Suite" at the best hotel in that tiny town you're in. "The Queen stays there!" says a resident.

I ate a very hearty and delicious meal at The Willow on Wascana here in Regina. There was a lot of eggs and wild boar involved in the dishes. I don't remember ever eating wild boar before, but I have to admit that it tasted way better than regular pork. Wild boar has climbed to near the top of my list. It might be difficult to dethrone lamb though. I got the fixed-price meal which involved 5 rounds of dishes including dessert. I also sucked down 2 glasses of pretty tasty red wine, a Meritage and a Shiraz. The only problem I had with the experience is that there is always a time lag between dishes when you eat alone. There's nobody to talk to, so you basically scarf down the meal at double the pace. I would do this, then stare blankly at my glass of wine, swish it around a bit, take a sip and rinse it through my mouth like Listerine. I'd do this about 30 times while punching random buttons on my phone. Then the next dish would come. It's just one of the many struggles on the road.

But not all sucks...I get to sleep here!...

VEGAS IN SOLO MODE

I flew to Las Vegas to work this prior weekend. In general, I'd say that this is a good place to go work, even if you're by yourself most of the time. Reason being, there's always plenty of entertainment (gambling and cleavage) and good food (except I think I only ate at Rubios the entire time).

A few notables:

My gambling experience was overall very positive. I played Let It Ride 3 times, about 30min of Craps, and made a 3-game parlay bet. Sessions went like this: 1. Let It Ride +$100 2. Craps -$50 3. Let It Ride +$95 4. Let It Ride +$120 5. Parlay $-$20. Grand Total of $245. w00t!

After placing my Parlay bet at the LV Hilton Casino, I got into my rental vehicle (A black chrome-wheeled Chevy SUV with leather seats. For some reason they roll out nicer vehicles in Vegas). I'm sitting there in the car, start the engine and my nose starts running. I lean over to look for a tissue and it starts pouring blood like a spigot all over the center console. The cigarette lighter / power plug below me is drenched in dark red blood. I have no tissue. I have the 8.5x11" paper I just picked up from the Sportsbook with all the betting lines. I use this as my tissue. It doesn't really work because it is non-absorbent. The blood basically just gets redirected back down into the car. I get out of the car, open the trunk (all while holding my nose with this piece of Xerox paper), and start tearing out pages of notebook paper from my laptop bag. After about 15min of holding my nose, the bleeding subsides and I look like I just fought De La Hoya at Caesars Palace. It was the dry weather.

Along the same body function topic, I get onto a Southwest flight last night and as people are boarding, this girl starts puking/spraying chunky water all over the aisle 1 seat in front of me. People scream! Women jump up onto seats as if they've spotted a mouse running around the floor. A couple unfortunate passengers were sprayed by this acidic fountain. I sat there, cool as a cucumber. Seriously though, I was unfazed by it for some reason. I think when I sit into an airline seat that it's as if I'm being plugged back into the Matrix. The real world is shut out. Anyway, the flight attendants employed their "Clean-up Kit" from the rear of the plane and poured all kinds of smelly powder on the vomit-absorbing floor. They then went through each of the seats that were hit by the excretion and sprayed them with some kind of disinfectant, then wiped them down. A wet/dry vac was brought in to suck it all up. It was smelly. The girl who caused this mess during the clean-up is STILL ON THE PLANE. Apparently, one of the flight attendants is trying to convincer her to remain on the plane and fly. The rest of the participants aboard this aero-desastre are not in agreement. Conversations spark up from aisle-to-aisle and comments such as "They should get her off the plane." and "Is it contagious?" are overheard. After about 20min of clean-up and shuffling people around to avoid those seats, all is settled and our flight gets under way. I slept the whole time, blocking out the noxious fumes that recirculated throughout the flight. All I care about is that I'm home.