A REASON TO AVOID STARBUCKS

I get through security today at PDX (that's Portland International Airport for you non-flyers) and was craving some coffee. I had just finished a parmesan-crusted salmon with asparagus and a mojito at Stanford's in the airport. Usually in Portland they have a good selection of coffee, but in this section of the terminal there is only a Starbucks. I go in. There's a long line at the register so the barrista (or whatever the espresso shot-puller is really called) is asking people in line what they want so that he can make it in advance. He gets to me.

"What can I get for you ma'am?"

*Uhh....*

"Oh, sorry sir. What would you like?"

So I continued to order, probably looking a bit annoyed. I really wish I had a mirror or a camera or something because I'd be interested to know what the look on my face was like.

"You don't look like a woman by the way." he continues.

"Thanks." I snap back.

This makes me think more about that website that allows you to find out how much you look like certain celebrities. I remember that for a normal picture of myself I scored something like 70% Kate Winslett. That was my highest celebrity score! At least I had 35% Brad Pitt. Or maybe I inflate that value to try and justify my feeling of manliness.

Damn you...God?...Darwin?...Moroni?! I think I should have decided to go work on a refinery for a few years to roughen-up my complexion. Probably shouldn't have had Acutane when I was younger either so that maybe I would look like Edward James Olmos.