LAUGHING WITH MYSELF

I feel like a lot of the moments in my life are being repeated. Not exactly repeated, but I'm seeing a very similar trend as I go day-to-day in my travels, my friendships, my relationships and my thoughts and emotions. It's scary really. When will the roller-coaster end? Roller-coaster is a bit too cliche...when will the mobius strip snap? Lame and nerdy. I've got it: When will I get my shit together?

I'm back in Portland, OR for about the 20th time in my career. Actually, if I counted I bet this trip would be in the teens at least. I love this city. It's scary how I can drive around without a map, know all the good places to eat, shop, and explore. I ate some salmon and had a bowl of udon by myself at a small table in a Japanese restaurant. I went to the movie theatre tonight and sat by myself. It was crowded. I sat alone. Laughed by myself and had a good time. Myself.

There's so much lately that has made myself happier than I've been in a long time. I may not show it, but I feel it. Something is going right. At least for this run along the track [reference to bad cliche] I'm enjoying some of the dips and climbs. Now I just really need to take things easier. A lot of people tell me this. People that I care about. People who I thought didn't care about me anymore, but I think do. These are people I care about too. I think they are making me realize that schedules and deadlines are fluid. It's OK to be spontaneous sometimes. You can miss that flight once in a while. Not even for a reason. Today I didn't miss my flight, but I wanted to. For no reason.